


Learn to Love Me

by Doseyydotes



Series: Sunflowers and Rust [2]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Emotional Manipulation, F/M, Minor Violence, Unresolved Emotional Tension, remember hans from frozen someone gets hansed im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-14
Updated: 2014-04-14
Packaged: 2018-01-19 10:12:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1465555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Doseyydotes/pseuds/Doseyydotes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A bit of snooping leads Toris to believe in something he`s wanted for a long, LONG time.<br/>Completely awestruck he pursues his love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

_Dear Diary,_  
Navigating the halls of the soviet mansion can be tricky for some, but if you have ever spent an elongated period of time there you would find yourself quickly scrambling for exits. With a pipe-wielding Russian and an obsessive little Belarusian inside and a passive-aggressive Ukrainian in the garden, who wouldn't be roaming around looking for hiding places? I don't do as much hiding as you would think. I didn't really mind playing maid for Russia. Except for that one time Yekaterina convinced him that it would be cute to get me in a maid outfit. Russia made me wear it for at least two weeks before he let me take it off. Yekaterina is nice, at least she lets me call her by her given name. The other two, i wouldn't even try to call by theirs. They're both kind of.. scary. Russia mostly. Belarus is more devoted than anything else. We went on a date once, it only lasted three minutes before she decided to hold my hand and walk me home. We got there and my fingers magically bent the opposite way! (Okay so she broke my fingers, but I'm trying to at least pretend it was a pleasant experience.) I don't understand it at all. I care about her as much as she cares about that big monster of a man. And since we were kids, too. She thinks i'm stupid, or naive or something. I've been thinking about it for a long time and I really think that i'm in love with her. And I believe that if she could tear herself away from Russia for long enough, maybe she could learn to love me too. Or at least recognize that she isn't his property, and she doesn't have to be. The scariest part about this whole ordeal is that when I was cleaning her room, I stumbled over her journal. It fell open. I really only read the few words that were scribbled in darker than the others before i shoved it back under her bed, but i fear that if he keeps saying no to her, she won't make it to twenty years old. She's planning something and i'm scared. Someone so beautiful shouldn't hurt so much, maybe i can talk to her. Maybe i'll try that.  
Regards, Toris.

Natalya closed the little book that she found under the big clock in the hall. If she'd not dropped her knife, she wouldn't have found it in the first place. It seems Lithuania had been keeping a diary. And that he'd been snooping just as well as she was. It only seemed fair, now. No guilt to be had, since he started the invasion of privacy to begin with. "Lithuania is such sweet boy, it is shame Ivan likes him so much or maybe I'd not have broken his bones so many times," Natalya thought. Thoughts like this were extremely common. Lithuania is in fact one of the nicer Baltics but the fact that Russia did have a soft spot for him always turned her thoughts sour halfway through. Nonetheless just as Ivan had told her, "Never tell a soviet your weaknesses," this vulnerability would be put to good use. She started brewing a plan to get exactly what she wanted from everyone involved. She headed to her room immediately to write in her journal, there was fun to be had here.

The next morning, Natalya awoke and threw her robe on her floor. She left her slippers on opposites ends of her room and messed up her sheets. Leaning down, she grabbed her journal from under her bed and placed it on her bed, open to her most recent entry. Lithuania would later on be tidying her room as he always does. Neither her nor Ivan told him to, he just did that on his own accord. Nonetheless, he would soon be by to do so and if she'd baited him as well as she'd thought, maybe he would fall into the trap she set. Leaving the door open, she went on toward the dining room to search for Ivan.  
  
  


 _Dear Diary,  
_ _I knew she would notice me. I knew it. If only she'd take a moment away from that big old Russia and take a look around. I'm not unlike him, my hair is longer, darker, but i can be just as assertive. But she noticed me like i knew she would. I don't feel badly about reading her diary, she did leave it out after all. And when she knew i'd clean her room when she left. Anyway i read an entry in her diary, it was open to the page - i didn't even touch the book, i swear! But she mentioned wanting to get to know me better now that we're older, and how she likes my hair and how i look in green. This is incredible, i've never been this happy. Should I approach her about it? Or wait for her to approach me? She is terribly straight-forward usually. I'll play it cool, I wouldn't want her to feel pressured to tell me how she feels. I've liked her too long to want anything more than for her to be comfortable and happy. That's all i have to say for now, ill keep you updated._  
Regards, Toris.

"It  _worked,_ " Natalya thought upon reading this next entry in Lithuania's secret-under-the-clock diary the morning later. No pressure on her part, she knew exactly what to do next. tucking that little book back under the clock, she headed straight for the kitchen where she knew Toris would be making tea for her brother. She entered the kitchen, he was facing the stove, cooking. Crossing the room to the fridge, still dressed in her robe and hair pulled back in a messy fashion, she grabbed an apple and sat on a chair facing him. She looked devastating beautiful that particular morning. Completely on purpose. Dressed for bed but her face was made-up like a model's would be. To any girl that would seem terribly suspicious, but a simple boy like Toris wouldn't notice it was out of place. "Hello, Toris." He froze, he was used to only Yekaterina calling him Toris, but that was certainly not her voice. But a slightly lower, more sultry voice. Awkwardly turning from the oven, he looked at her. She was looking to her right, out the window. The way the light hit her pale face gave him goosebumps. "Good morning, Belarus." He turned back to his cooking. Mind racing, he suddenly felt her eyes on his back. "Darling, what are you thinking about?" Natalya said, smirking. She could nearly feel his heartbeat from the kitchen island she sat next to.  _Goodness knows what kind of frenzied thoughts he is being dragged through,_  she thought. Alternately, he was smiling down at the bacon in the pan. "breakfast, Belarus. Just fixing something for Russia this morning." As he finished his sentence, some grease came out of the pan and landed on his hand. "It seems that everytime i'm near you, something happens to my hands," he mumbled. She heard it and laughed. "You don't have to worry about your hands today, just don't touch me and your bones will be fine. Come sit with me, Toris." He turned off the stovetop and set the bacon pan on another burner. Taking a deep breath he turned to face Belarus. She was pawing at the apple she'd gotten and placed on the table. She acted as though her eyelids were heavy, her smile was catlike. He made a mental note of the fact that he loves,  _loves_  when she smiles. He moved from the stove to the stool next to hers.

Silence fell upon the kitchen, Belarus was spinning the apple under her fingertips, Lithuania was gazing at her - the room felt warm and smelled strongly of the bacon that was left on the stove. They made eye contact for the briefest moment, he blushed and she looked away - moving her hand to her thigh, taking the small switchblade from her garter and quickly slicing the apple into pieces. She gestured toward it with her knife, looking at him and nodding slightly. he obliged, taking a slice. She looked at him thoughtfully as he ate it, and said: "You look nervous, Toris. Everyone always looks nervous around me. I'm just a girl like any other. a  _lady,_  mind you. But a girl. Sometimes i tell myself that people are nervous because they want to kiss me, not because i have two knives on my person at every moment. It's probably the knives but I find myself kissing the cute ones anyway. Are you afraid of my knives?" It was so hard for her not to laugh, she usually played these games with Ivan, not Toris or any of the baltics. She watched a blush travel up from his neck to his forehead, he didn't know how to answer at first. After a moment he began to speak, "I'm more frightened of your hands than i'll ever be of your knives."  _He looked so serious when he said that,_ Natalya thought to herself. "My hands are way over here, you're not afraid of my knives and you're still nervous. You must want to kiss me then, da?"


	2. Chapter Two

_Dear Diary,  
We talked for over an hour in the kitchen, we talked over an apple. I basically spilled all of my feelings to her while she sat pretty and encouraged my words. It's nice that she has made herself approachable, i'm not as afraid any more. I've learned that as long as i don't touch her I'll be okay, and i have nothing to fear. She didn't mention Russia once, and neither did I. She asked me to call her Natalya. This is huge for me, i can't describe how much relief that gives me. I do love her, I love her for who she is, not what land she claims. Maybe our friendship is moving forward, maybe I can finally have what I've been searching for - to love and be loved. To not be afraid of the person who i care about more than myself. It would mean everything to me to finally be loved, not just as a pet or companion, but romantically as well. A friend and a lover. She asked me if i was nervous because I want to kiss her. Naturally I didn't know what to say. Of course i did, i always do. But i wasn't sure if she knew that. She was especially beautiful with her hair off of her face and her untraditional bathrobe that morning. She didn't look stern as she usually did, not that i loved her any less through the stern look. But she looked especially tempting to kiss, and the question on top of that. I told her that i would only want to kiss her if she kissed me first. It's true, i was told, after all, that if i touched her i would have my bones broken. I don't know if that was the right answer, but she didn't seem put off by it. She asked a lot of questions after that. She asked me how much i liked her, i tried to be vague but eventually i found myself telling her how beautiful she is, how I like her, how i would do anything for her. She didn't show any signs of trying to hurt me or shoot me down emotionally, so i didn't stop. eventually i was staring past her face out the window and telling her about all the times i'd wanted to talk to her about it. I've been warned not to make myself vulnerable to the soviet family, not to put too much on the table to be knocked down. But i trust her, i trust her with my entire heart and soul. My favourite part, though. I'd forgotten i was making breakfast so i jumped up to warm everything before Russia got upset. Before I got back to the stove she put her hand on my shoulder and moved around to face me, got on her toes and kissed me. It was brief but my whole body went numb. She skipped off to do whatever she planned to do for the day and I was paralyzed. She kissed me, she didn't hurt me or threaten me.. she_  _kissed me. And i've never in my life been so happy as i've been since then.  
_ _Regards, Toris._

Belarus shook her head in disbelief, dropped the diary and kicked it back under the clock. She walked to her bedroom door. "DARLING COME TO MY ROOM," she shouted down the hall, she then left her door open and sat on her bed. Footsteps approached her room, Ivan entered. "What is it, Belarus." He asked sternly. She did call him darling, whether he liked it or not. She looked behind him, waiting. "Oh  _nothing,_  Ivan." He shook his head and turned to see Toris standing in the door frame, intimidated by the room full of the scariest countries he knows. "I was calling for Toris, you may go." She stood, pulled Toris in and pushed Ivan out of the room, closing the door. "Toris, why would you assume that I was calling you when i shouted "darling"? I'm unimpressed, you know how i feel about Ivan - why would i call anyone but him anything more than their name?" He started back toward the door, "No, sit. it's okay i was just saying." She sat next to him. "You're nervous again, I'm not even wearing my knives and my hands are in my lap, you've kissed me, now what? what do you want?" She said sharply. Toris was lost for words, she was being so aggressive, so frightening. "Natalya what's going on with you today? And if you  _were_  calling me, then why are you upset that i came?" She stood from the bed and opened her bedroom window. More silence, just as before. She needed peace for a moment. She didn't want Toris to know that the aggression she was faced with happened whenever she saw Ivan. She would see him, and the moment he was gone she would get this rush of adrenaline and anger. It cooled off, and usually turned into an all-consuming sadness. A darkness upon her entire life. But this time she didn't feel terribly dark. The rush wore off and she found herself breaking the silence to relieve the tension.

"i'm sorry, I just needed a moment to gather myself. " she stood and walked to him. He still sat on the edge of her bed. She stood over him, standing between his legs, looking directly down at his face. "You can touch me, Toris - i won't mind. Not today." He touched her hand, awestruck that she would even let him touch her. She shook her head, "Silly nation, why are you being so mild, I said you can touch me and you touch my hand gently like a deer. Here, I'll show you." She sat on his right knee, placed her hand on his neck and pulled his face to hers. Kissing him deeply, he let out a low groan and placed his hand on her face. she pulled her lips from his and started unbuttoning his jacket. He was stunned at the gesture, stunned at the whole situation. She was determined, her face was frozen in a look of concentration. She got his jacket off and stood, letting her dress fall around her to the floor. Kissing him again, she pulled him to stand up so she could better achieve the position she craved. "Lay down, Toris" She whispered. He sat, scooted back and lay down. Crawling over him, straddling his hips, she began kissing his neck. Natalya knew how to drive men crazy, this wasn't her first encounter with a boy.  _Toris is so submissive, no wonder he's crazy about me - i do give off a powerful air_  She thought. She grinded against his groin, he let out a low moan. Natalya moved herself off of him, next to him and into his arms. They kissed passionately, and her hand began wandering from his shoulder, down his torso and to his pants. When she found what she was looking for she started massaging him gently. His physical response was exactlywhat she was looking for, she positioned herself over him again and started kissing his chest, down to his naval. She got on her knees on the floor next to the bed and unbuttoned his pants. "Wait, Natalya," Toris said, "What are you doing, is this what you want? What about Russia?" She froze with her lips still pressed against the warm skin below his stomach.  _Why would he mention him now, of all times. why now. i have to finish what i started_  she thought to herself.

She pulled off his pants and briefs, despite his insincere protest.  _This is what you want, Toris. so i may as well give it to you while i get what I want._ Now completely unclothed, Toris gained some strange burst of assertiveness, he sat up and asked her to stand. He moved his hands over her body - to her hips, and pulled her panties down her thighs and to the floor. Holding her by her sides, he positioned her over his the part of him that so desperately craved her warmth, and eased her down. As he filled her up, her face went from serious to desperately hungry for passion. Still inside her, Toris held her and laid her on her back, kissing her neck and breasts. In a state of complete ecstasy, her throat made sweet little chirping noises with his every thrust into her. Slowly and gently at first, Toris found a rhythm that drove Natalya wild. She dug her nails into his back, holding him down to her so she could put dazed kisses on his shoulder and neck. Toris began grunting as his hips moved, Natalya took a moment to look at the clock to see that it was now 9pm, Ivan expected his tea like clockwork at 8:45. Naturally he would be actively looking for his Lithuania now. The thought was lost when she suddenly felt a euphoric sensation rip through her whole body "Oh god, Toris  _yes"_  she cried out, her legs wrapped around his waist. Something caught her eye at the door, and her eyes fixed on it as Toris continued. She became more vocal now, with his every push inside her she let out a moan. Finally his movements slowed and he collapsed onto her. "Natalya, I love you," he groaned. His heart pounded, his eyes opened to gaze at her, but she was looking past him with a coy smile on her face.

A voice rang out from behind him.  
"Natalya put something on, and go to my room.  _Now_."  
She nodded, put on a slip and padded to the door. She tucked herself just around the corner to hear what would become of Toris.  
She winced as she heard a thumping noise, and what sounded like someone falling to the ground, followed by a cough.  
She walked back into the room, to see Toris on the floor holding his stomach, and her brother on the floor next to him.  
His arm was around his shoulders, Toris looked pained but also grateful that Ivan didn't plan to hurt him anymore.  
"I want my tea on time tomorrow, understood? Now go clean up." Natalya watched as Toris stood, and walked past her out the door.

"To my  _room,_  Natalya." Ivan demanded. She turned and made her way to his bedroom door, smiling - she knew what came next.  
Ivan would again remind her who it was she belonged to.


	3. Chapter Three

_Dear diary, I don't know how much detail i can recollect from tonight. im laying in bed and seeing stars, Russia has a mean right hook.  
_ _I guess i should start with the good. Natalya called me to her room, she was scary for a few moments but after that she was very insistant that we get closer._  
She gave me permission to touch her, so i did. The next thing i knew, we were making love in her bed. It was incredible, until we had finished and Russia came to the door.  
I don't know how much he saw but the evidence was clear enough, I was still very much.. well, for lack of a better term - inside of his sister. It sounds so bad, i guess it was.  
 _We were caught in the act. He sent her out of her room and he punched me in the stomach, that is why im seeing stars. it still hurts. he apologized quietly and then asked_  
me to have his tea ready tomorrow. I want to see her again. I hope she didn't tell Russia about our talk in the kitchen. I do trust her, and love her dearly.  
I know she won't say it but i think she loves me back. She made love to me, she kissed me, she wrote about me - and such sweet things too.  
Despite the ending of our night, I love her more than I ever have. I trust we'll find a way to be together, i trust that ideal with all of my heart.  
Regards, Toris.

On her hands and knees, Natalya searched under the clock in the hall for that little book. Damnit, she thought, He must have kept it in his room last night. She assumed that he was sore and didn't want to move after the night's adventures. She was sore in other places after Ivan's special punishment for her straying from him. Toris would keep away for a while after thenight he had. He's just a boy after all, his attention would roam elsewhere if she kept hidden for long enough. For that reason, she decided to hang out in the study for the day, he didn't often visit there unless Ivan was occupying the room. She sat with a book on the history of Siberia for hours, hoping to remain lost in the walls of the mansion. Later that day, the door opened to reveal her esteemed brother in his traditional jacket and scarf. He sat at his chair and sighed, "Belarus why are you under my desk?" She laughed and replied "I'm hiding you big dork now be quiet." She kept reading under the big desk. Every so often she would poke her brother's knee and distract him from his work. It was like they were children again, playful and mild like the siblings they were meant to be.

She sat up straight and looked at his legs. Time to tease the soviet bigshot, she thought, and moved her hands to his leg, stroking it, moving further into his lap until he stood. "Natalya, please. Don't touch me like that, you are my family." This statement pained her. Her heart went into that dark place when he said things like that. It's as if the moment he wakes up and leaves her alone in his bed after he sleeps with her, he forgets and reverts to doting brother Russia. "Was I family last night, Ivan? Am i family when you fuck me?" Ivan stood, something was wrong. "Lithuania come back here with that tray," he shouted.  _God damnit Toris was in the room when I said that?_   _This stupid desk, why wouldn't Ivan tell me he came in,_  Natalya thought. She crawled out from under the desk and reached up to flick lint off her brother's shoulder.

"Ivan, last night was so much better than usual, maybe I should toy with your maid more often, da?" He sat, and she turned around and left the room. She was teasing him, naturally. She meant to go find another hiding place. Her game was over this time. As Natalya exited the room, she found herself face-to-face with Toris. "Hello, Lithuania - and goodbye." She said, her renowned sternness returning to her face. He grabbed her gently and pulled her into his arms. Hugging her tightly he said, "I'm glad i could see you again, i love you so much Natalya, I, but.. what did you just say to Russia, you were joking right? of course you were joking." She pushed him off of her and grabbed for the knife at her thigh, "How dare you touch me, how dare you touch me without my permission, get out of my sight or I will end your life right now, I swear to god." Toris' face dropped, genuinely frightened he took a step back. "Go away, please go away." Her face was unmoving as her trembling hand held the knife before her in defense. He suddenly remembered why he fled the study, "Natalya what were you saying, then? In the study? you were with me last night, we made love, i love you." She grimaced as he said her given name. She didn't like hearing it from anyone except for Ivan, unless she granted that right to someone she was using to gain his attention. "I am Belarus, you can call me only that now. I wasn't only with you last night, anyway. First you come when i call for someone else, and now you think you're my only pursuit. hah." She turned and started away from him down the hall.

"What is this? i don't understand, you were with Russia last night too? is that what you're saying?" His voice was cracking, she froze in her footsteps. "Yes, I was. I'm surprised it took him so long to come find me, you really did help me pass the time, so i thank you for that, Lithuania." A smile started to peak on her face.  _Innocent mischief is all this was, he's just a boy - he doesn't mean a word he says, and he'll fawn over another girl by the end of the day,_  She thought to herself. As she began walking again she heard an echoed sob from behind her. She turned to see him leaning against the wall, his face in his hands. She started back toward him as she lamented, "Lithuania I thought you liked playing games. Didn't you have fun? It's okay, we both got exactly what we wanted. You had me, and I had you as the pawn I needed to have Ivan. You see? Everyone is happy. Aren't you glad i let you touch me? Privilege is wasted on you, Toris. You really should be heaps more grateful for what I've granted you." He stood straight and grabbed her by the wrist, tears streaming down his face.

"This wasn't about sex. It was never about sex, i don't want to touch you. I want to love you, i want you to love me. But instead you chase after that awful Russia, you abused my feelings for you, and for what? some sick revenge fuck that leaves you sore and unwanted by daybreak. I didn't want to have sex with you, I wanted you to be happy. I wanted to trust you. I did trust you and you reduced me to nothing. How dare you, i love you.." His last words were broken into sobs, barely decipherable as speech.

"I think," She began, "That of all the countries in the world, you are now the only one who will understand exactly how i feel every single day of my life."  
She kept enough distance that her body wasn't touching his, and she gave him a peck on the lips.  
"Because as of this moment, I am your Russia.  
I am the only person who could ever make you happy,  
and I  _refuse_  to love you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry


End file.
